Love Language
In this world we live in, we are surrounded by many people yet we still feel being lonesome. Each one of us has an emotional tendency to feel loved. When we felt it, we get to reach our maximum potentials. However, if we didn't, it is as if we are living just to exist.
In order to love and to be loved, one must know what love language is to be used. It is dependent of what personality does an individual has.
I just read a book of Gary Chapman entitled, The Five Love Languages. This will be a sort of a book review, but I will be only giving a brief discussion about the love languages.
What is the right language?
Of course, we can speak any love language that we want. Naturally, we speak of a love language that will make us feel loved. But the problem with this is that, even if we speak of a certain language that we prefer, if it is not the love language of the person we are expressing it to, then the thought would not mean the same as what it meant for us.
This is when frustration comes in. That is why it is important to learn not only our personal love language, but also someone's primary language in order to feel loved.
The Five Love Languages
Learning to speak of a language that you and others would understand is that best way to develop and succeed in any human relationships.
The five love languages are as follows:
- Words of Affirmation
- Gifts
- Acts of Service
- Quality Time
- Physical Touch
Each will have an in-depth details and let's see what language are you using.
LOVE LANGUAGE #1: WORDS OF AFFIRMATION
Psycholinguistics is the study of the effects of words in one's personality. We are affected by the words we hear. It as a factor on how we act and how we feel. Words are very influential, no wonder that it is one of the love languages.
Our environment affects our words of affirmation. Someone who grew up in a miserable set-up will have a hard time expressing words of affirmation. It is a hard for them to learn saying this kind of language since they are still on the process of deleting those negative thoughts that have instilled in them.
There are different kinds of words of affirmation and they are:
- Words of Encouragement - We have that parts in our lives that we are insecure about. This is where encouraging words enter. Expressing these words would create a motivation, thus developing a harmonious relationship.
- Words of Praise - We all wanted to be complimented by someone who is dear to us. We want someone to recognize our great doings and accomplishments.
- Kind Words - These are the words that does not only focus on what we say, but also on how we deliver them.
Words of Affirmation do not only mean just words. They should be said with genuine feelings.
LOVE LANGUAGE #2: GIFTS
A gift is tangible. It is an alternate way of saying, "I appreciate you." or "I always think about you." Gifts may last for a second or for a lifetime. However, it should be kept in mind that it does not matter what gift you will give. What matters matters most is the thought that the gift is conveying.
Gifts are visual evidence of love. It may vary in size, shape, color, and price. It can be made or purchased. For a person whose primary love language is receiving gifts, it doesn't matter to him/her the nature of the gift. Appreciation is already guaranteed.
Learning the language of gift giving is as easy as you thought.
- Learn others interests. LISTENING is the key. Listen to the people you care about.
- Be sensitive. Take note that giving gifts includes being aware that NOT all gifts are suitable for everyone. Keep in mind that not all people will accept your kind of expression of love, and learn to respect it.
Having this kind of language will help you to appreciate everything tht is given to you.
LOVE LANGUAGE #3: ACTS OF SERVICE
This kind of love language may be considered as on of the most difficult languages. Acts of Service mean that love is expressed through doing things for the benefit of others. You don't have technical skills to do this, just a sincere heart.
Remember that helping others is s a universal language of love.
LOVE LANGUAGE #4: QUALITY TIME
Quoting Professor Leo Buscalgia, "There seems to be an accumulating evidence that there is actually an inborn need for this togetherness, this human interaction, this love. It seems that without these close ties with other human beings, a newborn infant, for example, can regress developmentally, lose consciousness, fall int idiocy and die." So what does this means? It just goes to say that time is a powerful tool in conveying love.
It does not have to spend all of our moments with our someone. Quality time means spending your time together, whether for just a minute or for a longer time. The emotional level increases when you both enjoy each other's company, no matter how long it will last.
WAYS OF QUALITY TIME
- Quality Conversation. This means that talking over things. Sharing your thoughts, ideas, feelings and desires in a clear context.
- Quality Listening. We are all aware that listening is way different from hearing. To listen is to understand all the thoughts being said to you.
- Quality Activities. This may include doing things that both of you are interested to. Remember that you should focus not on the things you are doing, but the reason why you are doing it. It should be done in purpose of experiencing something together.
LOVE LANGUAGE #5: PHYSICAL TOUCH
The body is made for touching. Out of all the five senses, touching is the sense that does not only focus on one part of the body. Physical touch can make or break a relationship. When your primary language is physical touch, your touches are much louder than the words, "I love you." Remember that not all touches may mean love. Learn to differentiate love from lust. With physical touch, RESPECT does matter.
One must learn to touch a person on the way that it is conveyed as a loving touch. Be aware if a person is a "touchy-feely" person or not. Respect their decisions when it comes to touching. Also, consider the perfect time in initiating a touch. Learn to observe body language for it may tell you if a person is ready for an act of touch such as hug, holding hands, etc.
Appropriate place should also be taken into consideration. Proper situation should be observed. Touching acts should be displayed accordingly. Keep in mind that there are certain things that can be done with only the two of you alone can do, and there are acts that can be done publicly.
Learning to speak and understand a love language will create sincere and effective relationships. But also, keep in mind that your relationship status does not matter to let you feel loved. Everyone has that God-given yearning for a perfect and unconditional love, in the name of all kinds of human relationships.
So, you. What's your love language? :)
Source:
- The Five Love Languages, Singles Edition; Gary Chapman
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